She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
