he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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