I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I enjoy the company of your penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
