i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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