I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
