I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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