So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize