I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
