So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
