I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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