woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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