So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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