His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
