come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm both gender and math confused
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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