Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
