woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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