She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
