I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
