sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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