the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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