I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He passed out mid-signature
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
