Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
