Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize