You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
