I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
