I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
