Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
