if you like me you must not know who I am
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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