at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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