ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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