Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
