So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
