i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
