i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
