dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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