Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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