i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
