My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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