I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
