This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
