I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
