i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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