you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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