Do vagina's smell?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
