Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I still have a little drunk in my system
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
