Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
