I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Girls should come with a carfax report
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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