K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize