I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
