it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
