I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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