you traded sex for a burrito?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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