I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
