He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this boner is exhausting
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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