i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
