I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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