Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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