I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
