Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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