just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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