Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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