omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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