You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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