is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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