FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
