Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
