Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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