I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
