I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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