she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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