Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
