This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
