if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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