At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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