wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
