he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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