Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
