Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize