He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
