Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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