I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
