actually, I'm a sock model
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
