I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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