I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
