my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
