got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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