i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize