Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is Oprah even human
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
