He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
