Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
