So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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