guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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