Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
