Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
