cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
