I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
