Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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