Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
