Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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