thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
