you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize