Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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