Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize