there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
