we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize