I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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