i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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