He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
