If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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