3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
