I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Quick, to the slutcave!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
