I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
