I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
