woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize