Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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