how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
