frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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