im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
