When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
