ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
